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A '30 Rock' Yearbook: 30 Characters, Quotes, and Cheesy Blasters From the Past 7 Seasons

By Michael Arbeiter, Hollywood.com Staff

As hard as this news is to swallow (almost as hard as a catfish Po' boy with extra chuckle), 30 Rock is finally coming to an end. With the finale airing on Thursday night, we are faced with bidding farewell to all of the kooks, loons, and criminally insane sociopaths who have hung around Studio 6H for the past seven years. And although these goodbyes might inspire tears, remembering the good times, inimitable quotes, and legacies of Liz, Jack, Tracy, Jenna, Kenneth, and the rest of the cast is sure to inspire laughter. So weep not, nerds! Click through our gallery of 30 Rock's 30 Greatest Characters, reflecting on iconic images, memorable one-liners, and bizarre adventures of everyone from Ms. Lemon herself to that lovable vagrant Moonvest.

Liz Lemon

Name

Elizabeth (unspellable middle name) Lemon

Who She Is

Beleaguered head writer on NBC live sketch comedy show TGS with Tracy Jordan. Self-described lovable curmudgeon, sandwich aficionado, and white guilt sufferer. Lover of rules, hater of dogs. Has an Emmy, somehow.

Greatest Achievements

Inspiring women everywhere to dismiss society's limitations. Also, shotgunning an entire pizza.

Words to Live By

""I'm gonna go talk to some food about this.""

Meet Jack Donaghy![PAGEBREAK]Jack Donaghy

Name

John Francis Donaghy

Who He Is

Ambitious-to-a-fault President of NBC (formerly General Electric's Vice President of East Coast Television and Microwave Oven Programming). Borderline alcoholic and chronic window-starer-outer. Fears his mother.

Greatest Achievements

Bumping up the GE microwave oven a full vection, coining the phrase ""I need a vacation from this vacation!"", and finally getting out of the TV business.

Words to Live By

""All the time I've been on this Earth, I have only one regret: I should have worked more.""

Meet Tracy Jordan![PAGEBREAK]Tracy Jordan

Name

Unclaimed Perfection Baby Boy

Who He Is

Millionaire movie star and headlining actor on TGS with Tracy Jordan. Owner of Joseph Merrick's bones. Wordplay enthusiast.

Greatest Achievements

Finally receiving his high school diploma... thanks in large part to Victor Cordova at the Sunoco Station on Lennox Avenue.

Words to Live By

""I want to hold a mirror up to society and then win world record for biggest mirror.""

Meet Jenna Maroney![PAGEBREAK]Jenna Maroney

Name

Yustrepa Gronkowitz

Who She Is

Diabolically insecure second billed star on TGS with Tracy Jordan. Graduate of the Royal Tampa Academy of Dramatic Tricks. Envies babies.

Greatest Achievements

Being catapulted into the Hollywood sign by Mickey Rourke.

Words to Live By

""I know the Tony rules, because I've been petitioning for them to add a category for Living Theatrically in Normal Life.""

Meet Kenneth![PAGEBREAK]Kenneth

Name

Kenneth Ellen Parcell

Who He Is

A compulsively eager NBC Page? An ageless supernatural being sent from the above with the assignment of protecting the human race? A mentally challenged hillbilly?

Greatest Achievements

Winning the Stone Mountain pig-eating contest... which was, incidentally, also the most traumatizing thing to ever happen to him. Also, being named President of NBC.

Words to Live By

""There are only two things I love in this world: everybody and television.""

Meet the writers![PAGEBREAK]Frank

Name

Francis Rossitano

Who He Is

A TGS writer with a penchant for blue comedy. Lover of comic books, porn, and (surprisingly) the environment.

Greatest Achievements

Dropping out of law school. Twice. (Always a smart move.)

Words to Live By

""I'd like to pre-apologize for clogging your tub, sink and toilet.""

Toofer

Name

James Spurlock

Who He Is

Harvard-educated (has he mentioned that?) TGS writer. Afraid of black people.

Greatest Achievements

Graduating to ""Threefer"" (for a brief period of time).

Words to Live By

""You know, I went to college in Boston. Well, not in Boston, but nearby. No, not Tufts...""

Lutz

Name

John Lutz

Who He Is

Lonely TGS writer. Short-term car-owner. Patron of Subway.

Greatest Achievements

N/A

Words to Live By

""Mommy's baby needs his num nums."" Shut up, Lutz.

Sue

Name

Sue La Roche-Van der Hoot

Who She Is

French-Dutch TGS writer with extrasensory perception and a taste for frozen yogurt.

Greatest Achievements

Solving murders in Holland, as exhibited on the television program Van der Hoot: Psychische (De Mentaalist).

Words to Live By

""Fondruke!""

Meet the assistants![PAGEBREAK]Cerie

Name

Cerie Xerox

Who She Is

Liz's lackadaisical assistant. Completely unaware of anything that happened before 1989. Only dates guys who drink Snapple.

Greatest Achievements

Hard to say, as she's never actually faced an ounce of adversity...

Words to Live By

""Usually, designers just make clothes for me. But when I do buy stuff, I'm a child's medium.""

Jonathan

Name

Jonathan

Who He Is

Jack's overzealous assistant, fervently devoted to winning the evasive approval of his thick-haired boss. Born in Palo Alto.

Greatest Achievements

His Jaconathan friendship collage.

Words to Live By

""Maybe we're the last people on Earth. Maybe we are legend. You're Will Smith and I'm the dog!""

Meet the rest of the TGS staff![PAGEBREAK]Pete

Name

Peter Hornberger, a.k.a. ""Dallas""

Who He Is

TGS' spineless, ill-fortuned producer. Father of five. Cursed by a gypsy as a teenager.

Greatest Achievements

He was once an Olympic class archer and a member of Loverboy.

Words to Live By

""Love is like an onion, and you peel away layer after stinky layer until you're just... weeping over the sink.""

Josh

Name

Josh Girard

Who He Is

TGS' original male lead. Graduate of SUNY Cortland. Dumb.

Greatest Achievements

The employee discount he gets in the NBC cafeteria.

Words to Live By

""If you'll excuse me, I need to see a doctor. I keep pooping during sex.""

Danny

Name

Jack Baker

Who He Is

Josh's replacement. A native Canadian with a big heart and a beautiful singing voice. Doesn't know he's adopted.

Greatest Achievements

Finally understanding sarcasm.

Words to Live By

[Mimes something]

Meet Grizz and Dot Com![PAGEBREAK]Grizz

Name

Warren Griswold

Who He Is

Tracy's lifelong friend and a member of his entourage. In charge of sitting on Tracy when he gets upset. Invested in WorldCom.

Greatest Achievements

Overcoming personal challenges at Above the Beanstalk (free summer camp for giants).

Words to Live By

""It's like a roller coaster ride of emotions in here.""

Dot Com

Name

Walter Slattery

Who He Is

Tracy's friend, entourage member, and go-to insultee. In a constant state of unrequited love.

Greatest Achievements

Embodying Trigorin in Anton Chekov's The Seagull. With aplomb.

Words to Live By

""Maybe someday we'll live in a world where you ask us to pretend to be scientists.""

Meet the spouses![PAGEBREAK]Criss

Name

Criss Chros

Who He Is

Liz's underachieving husband. A hot dog vendor with a laid-back attitude and a fandom of James Van Der Beek (everything but Dawson). Plays guitar, more or less.

Greatest Achievements

Overcoming the merciless grasp of IKEA.

Words to Live By

""We get disco fries for breakfast, because we're sad.""

Angie Jordan

Name

Angie Jordan

Who She Is

Tracy's wife, mother of three, and star of NBC's reality series Queen of Jordan.

Greatest Achievements

Surviving IBS.

Words to Live By

""HAM!""

Paul

Name

Jenna Maroney (née Paul L'Astnamé)

Who He/she Is

Husband of Jenna Maroney. Drag performer. Native of Houston. Loves to cook healthy.

Greatest Achievements

The ultimate New Years

Words to Live By

""I want to hog tie you and hide you in the luggage compartment of a Greyhound bus with just a bowl of dirty water.""

Meet Jack's family![PAGEBREAK]Colleen Donaghy

Name

Colleen Donaghy

Who She Is

Perpetually scowling mother of Jack Donaghy and his numerous disappointing siblings.

Greatest Achievements

Killing Lydia's parrot.

Words to Live By

""Let's all meet down at the soda shop while this country turns into Mexico.""

Avery Jessup

Name

Avery Jessup

Who She Is

Right-leaning political pundit and host of The Hot Box. Ex-wife of Jack and mother of daughter Liddy. Former prisoner (and romantic interest) of Kim Jong Il.

Greatest Achievements

Drilling for oil in gorilla habitats with Lawrence Peace's corporation.

Words to Live By

""I've never quit anything in my life. I'm still in Girl Scouts. I have nine thousand badges.""

Meet Liz's exes![PAGEBREAK]Dennis Duffy

Name

Dennis Duffy

Who He Is

On-and-off lover and former live-in boyfriend of Liz Lemon. Beeper King of New York City. Encyclopedic knowledge of rats and rat subculture.

Greatest Achievements

Saving some guy from being hit by a subway car. Not to mention his pride and joy, adopted son Black Dennis.

Words to Live By

""For the first time since the '86 World Series, I cried. I cried like a big, dumb homo.""

Floyd

Name

Floyd DeBarber

Who He Is

Former boyfriend of Liz Lemon. GE attorney. Recovering alcoholic. Regularly works out with the ol' leather pumpkin.

Greatest Achievements

Being named the Michael Clayton of Cleveland (although, reports of his sexual prowess could have been exaggerated).

Words to Live By

""I feel more confused and betrayed than those people that worked with Tootsie.""

Drew

Name

Dr. Andrew Baird

Who He Is

Handsome doctor. Handsome tennis coach. Handsome motorcycle owner.

Greatest Achievements

Looking like that.

Words to Live By

""Banjo!"" (Okay, technically that was another character portrayed by Jon Hamm, but it's close enough)

Wesley

Name

Wesley Snipes

Who He Is

Short-term fiancé of Liz Lemon. Strong adversary of the consumption of popcorn at the cinema. Horrible in every way.

Greatest Achievements

He's been in a hot tub two times.

Words to Live By

""Gangway for foot-cycle!""

Carol

Name

Carol Burnett

Who He Is

Former lover of Liz Lemon. Pilot. Fan of TGS. Hates everyone.

Greatest Achievements

Memorizing the entire script to the in-flight movie Guardians of Legend.

Words to Live By

""Sully Sullenberger? Yeah, I've met that guy. He's not that great. You know what a great pilot would have done? Not hit the birds. That's what I do every day. Not hit birds. Where's my ticket to the Grammys?""

And the rest![PAGEBREAK]Dr. Spaceman

Name

Dr. Leo Spaceman

Who He Is

""Excellent"" physician (and pretty good dentist) on staff at NBC. Presently residing as U.S. Surgeon General.

Greatest Achievements

Authoring the best seller The Cigarette Diet.

Words to Live By

""Science is whatever we want it to be.""

Devon Banks

Name

Devon Banks

Who He Is

Jack's arch nemesis in the seizure of the NBC and Kabletown presidencies. Close friend of Sasha Obama.

Greatest Achievements

Fathering three adorable gaybies (with granite cheekbones).

Words to Live By

""You don't tell me what kind of pizza to like!""

Subhas

Name

Subhas

Who He Is

Top janitor in the GE Building. Personal attendant to the demanding plumbing needs of Liz Lemon.

Greatest Achievements

Beating rival custodian Khonani out for the nighttime janitorial shift in the GE Building.

Words to Live By

""Sex is a continuum, and he is but a voyager on a vast ocean of pleasure.""

Moonvest

Name

Moonvest

Who He Is

Nobody knows...

Greatest Achievements

Acquiring large quantities of shrimp from a local wedding. Aiding in Kenneth's creation of the NBC game show Gold Case.

Words to Live By

""Give me your fingernails!""

[Photo Credits: NBC (30)]

More:

'30 Rock' Recap: Damn You, Liz Lemon — You Can Still Get to Us

'30 Rock' Recap: Is 'TGS' Done For?

Ben and Jerry's to Announce '30 Rock' Flavor: Other Shows That Could Be Yummy

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