By Jordan Smith, Hollywood Staff
Good morning, friends of Uncle Sam! Say, do you want to be like Captain America? Young Steve Rogers was nothing but a scrawny Brooklyn do-nothing, but then our brightest scientific minds injected the kid with an experimental drug called the Super Soldier Serum. Miraculously, the cocktail of mercury, sulfur, and other useful chemicals turned little Steve into a gilded symbol of American might and vigor: Captain America. Boy! Look at those muscles. He's like a steak- and corn-fed American Adonis.
Even though you tiny patriots at home might not have pure 1940s scientific knowhow coursing though your veins, you have something even more important flowing through your ventricles. America! And blind nationalistic pride can shield you from any foreigner's bullet. Even if you're a scrawny bookworm, or a plain no-talent dame without any suitors, you can be just like Cap with a little bit of effort! Just take a look at the daily life of Captain America. Live like him, and you can be our next super human weapon against the ever-present communist threat.