Nikki Montgomery and daughters
I am the mother of three daughters and my husband and I want to raise them to be kind, confident adults. As part of that journey we have some banned words in our house. Of course the typical swear words are not allowed but just as bad are the words, STUPID, FAT, & UGLY. The reason these words are bad is because they have no place in a positive, confident mind. These words should never be spoken about yourself or someone else. The only time ugly is ever passable is if we are referring to someone’s personality or behavior.
As women we have the tendency to feel like we are under a lot of pressure to look a certain way and if we don’t have the ideal body or look we aren’t beautiful. Sometimes we allow toxic people into our lives that encourage us to believe that so they can control us. When our confidence is weak it is easy to be manipulated in this way. I have seen it happen to friends of mine and it breaks my heart. I never want this to happen to my girls so we started working on their self love journey early.
Some people confuse confidence and conceit. The difference is that confident people have empathy and love for other people as well as for themselves and this quality is attractive. Conceit is an excessive pride in oneself so these people have an opinion that they are better than everyone else and this is a very unattractive trait. Teaching our kids the difference is important. And this goes back to the banned words. A conceited person would use stupid, fat & ugly to describe someone in an attempt to make that person feel less than or to make other people see them that way. This is unacceptable behavior and is often taken as bullying. A confident person would never have a need to use words like these because they have enough self confidence that they do not need other people to feel bad about themselves to feel better or to look better to others.
I consider myself a confident person, but that’s not to say that I don’t get down on myself sometimes. There are days I doubt my abilities as a leader, I sometimes find myself questioning my parenting decisions, I also look in the mirror some days and hate what I see. This is normal. On these days when my confidence is suffering I just have to work a little harder, maybe I do a different makeup look or I put on my favorite outfit or do my hair differently. Sometimes all I need is a cuddle from one of my girls to remind me that I am just a person doing her best and I’m doing pretty well in the eyes of my girls. My husband is also a fantastic partner. He has always done his very best to remind me that I am loved and appreciated.
Confidence is a journey if not instilled in you early, but it is possible for everyone. A good place to start is banning the words, STUPID, FAT & UGLY. Whenever you catch yourself thinking these words flip the script. Instead of thinking you’re stupid remind yourself of something good you did that day. Instead of thinking you’re fat focus on your beautiful smile or gorgeous eyes (because that’s what most people notice first about a person they meet). Instead of thinking you’re ugly focus on what makes you beautiful and it doesn’t have to be a feature it can be something about your personality or something kind you did for someone. If ever you think these words about someone else stop and think about what makes that person valuable. Everyone has value and it’s important that we take the time to recognize that and that can make you feel better about yourself.
Be kind to yourself.
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